Well, the mail has come, and with it my Pilgrim Credenciale! All of a sudden it's almost as if I can hear the clock begin to tick on my Camino. Of course this also means the little nagging fears and anxieties have begun their whispering in the background. Small scratchings on the door of my mind. Nervous little bubbling deep inside. Every ache or twinge seems magnified. Should I, can I, will I succeed? Then there's my hubby, reminding me in his ever preachy tone that I'm not as fast as I used to be. Reminding me that I've had major surgery in the last year, that I'm heavier, older and so on! Hmmm like I don't see the 7 inch scar every time I bathe or get dressed...or notice that my jeans are still too snug! Sheesh! My own fears walking around in someone else's skin and talking to me!! I really don't need that right now!! So being my rude self, I simply reminded him why he ain't coming on this trip!!
It just hit my as I wrote my little littany of whining there...that his voicing, out loud damn him, of my fears and anxieties is good for me...much as I'd never admit it to him (unless he ever reads my blog!!! HA!) It makes me look 'em square in the eye and say "Oh yeah? Really? Watch me!" Being the prickly pain in the ass that I am, I immediately get defensive and begin to plan concretely how to overcome whatever it is I've just been told I can't do. It was the same with some of the long rides I did on the bike last year, just post surgery. Instead of simply supressing and churning my fears over and over, I become active.
Today I'm visiting the foot Dr. as a result of some more foot pain. The need to move forward with my plans took that from a need to get around to it list, to the do it right now list! I'm repacking for Florida tomorrow too. Taking one of my possible hiking boots with me. I've got a perfect opportunity to experiment in warmer weather now and need to use the opportunity to it's best advantage.
My dates are unfortunately still very much in the air...courtesy of the arrival soon of my beloved soon to be, Anna. I'm trying to plan departure and returns so as to be able to see her arrive and be at her christening. While I may be a roaming Oma, I must/will/need to be there for her milestones if at all possible. So I could be leaving as early as mid May or as late as the 1st of June!
Dear God, my heart just about pounded out of my chest as I typed those words!!
